Celebrating Three Years of Uncertainty: 3rd Anniversary Episode

(On May 30th, 2023, Seasons 1 & 2 will be archived)

Transcript:

I’m Katherine Spearing and welcome to Uncertain, an affiliate podcast of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of Spiritual Abuse, if you’d like to support this podcast and the work of Tears of Eden, consider giving a donation at TearsofEden.org/support. You can also support the podcast by liking, subscribing, and leaving a review.

Here now is a very short episode to acknowledge the third anniversary of Uncertain.

This isn’t a journey I could have planned. No one had every done this before, as far as I knew, starting a nonprofit focused on caring for survivors of Spiritual Abuse.

Spiritual Abuse, that subtle, extremely damaging, often disbelieved form of abuse. Over three years ago, I tried to build a map by attempting to find folks who’d done this work before. My journey through the mountainous terrain of phone calls and Zoom conversations with people across the glob eventually led me to the realization that, as far as I could tell at the time, no one had yet done what Tears of Eden was setting out to do.

But this journey of discovery, of exploration, still led me to some pretty amazing humans, doing amazing work. I was having insightful conversations and learning so much about spiritual abuse. If only there was a way to capture all these conversations and share them with the world?

Enter the idea for Uncertain, a podcast intended to challenge the church to do better. At first, we focused on asking the church to stop hurting people, stop putting narcissists in the pulpit, stop using christian platitudes to sideline traumatized people.

But eventually, I grew weary of speaking to the institutional church. Tears of Eden, the nonprofit of which Uncertain podcast was an affiliate, focused on supporting survivors of the institution. It was never a goal to change the institution. Some folks out there are trying, doing good work, but that isn’t, and never has been, the focus of this little organization.

So, in season three of Uncertain, we made a slight shift to speaking directly to and equipping survivors, many of whom consider themselves members of the universal church, though often they’ve had to leave the institution in order to start their healing journey.

That’s where we are today, focused on providing a safe place for survivors to gather and unpack their stories. Uncertain podcast is the main way people end up finding Tears of Eden. This audio format is our number one ambassador for the organization. It’s also our primary resource for providing education and helping folks work through their stories. Some episodes are light hearted, like the episode with comedian Kristina Hart where we discuss the awkwardness of learning how to date as an adult after growing up in purity culture. Some episodes are really difficult, like Kody Purcell’s story of abuse at the hands of her youth pastor. Some episodes are highly informative, full of aha moments, like the episode with Dr. Laura Anderson on how our anger is important for our healing journey—definitely not something we heard very often, if ever, in the church.

But let’s rewind a little, back to the month of May three years ago. I had planned for the first episode to launch the week of Memorial Day, it was cued up and ready to go, but boy was I anxious. As I mentioned at the top of this episode, I could not have planned this journey. I was Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings, taking that step that would take me the furthest away from home I’d ever been. Most of my anxiety those weeks leading up to episode one stemmed from the unknown. In launching the podcast, and a few months later, the nonprofit, I was entering a world where I couldn’t predict or prepare for what was coming. I didn’t know how the podcast would be received. I didn’t know who the first board members of the nonprofit would be. Heck, I was just learning how to podcast and I had no idea how to start a nonprofit.

When I think of how anxious I was those first few weeks, how many times I considered bailing, I remember the only thing that motivated me to take the plunge was knowing I’d regret not doing it at all more than I would regret trying and then failing, though I couldn’t have told you then what failure looked like.

Today, the podcast has been around for three years. 82 episodes and we’re in the middle of our forth season. Over 70 artists, authors, experts, and survivors have appeared on Uncertain. It went from a show with 50 to 100 monthly listeners to a show with thousands of monthly listeners. It’s a show mental health professionals seek out to learn more about religious trauma and recommend to their clients. It’s a show that provides solidarity to survivors when they feel isolated and alone.

There have been a lot personal challenges associated with this work. As the team that supports the work of Uncertain and Tears of Eden slowly grows, it’s obvious we ourselves are survivors of trauma. Sometimes the work is more than our bodies can handle, and we have to take time to care for our own mental health. I hope an organization supporting survivors of Trauma will always care for the survivors who keep the organization going. Thank you for your patience, compassion, and support, for the times we need to care for and nurture ourselves.

This is where I’ll sign off, with a big thank you to all of the listeners who have supported this podcast. Thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, thank you for liking and subscribing. Thank you for your financial donations, big and small. Thank you for reaching out to share your stories about how the podcast has impacted you. Happy Three Year Anniversary.

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