Approaching the Twelve Steps from a secular viewpoint can present challenges, particularly with Step Three, which traditionally involves turning one's will and life over to the care of God. Spencer and Marilyn explore how we have navigated these waters while remaining respectful to their own beliefs as atheists or agnostics.

Founding a Secular Al Anon Meeting

The conversation begins with Marilyn sharing her experience in founding a secular Al Anon meeting, named “Any Faith or None.” This group has grown rapidly, starting during the pandemic and expanding to multiple weekly meetings due to popular demand. The group welcomes those of any religious or spiritual belief or none, carefully avoiding religious language that can be triggering for individuals with a history of religious abuse.

Interpreting Step Three

Step Three traditionally reads, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Both Spencer and Marilyn share how they have personally reinterpreted this step to fit their non-religious perspectives. For Marilyn, the concept of “care” rather than “control” was a pivotal revelation, allowing her to embrace the love and support found within her Al Anon community without assigning it a divine source.

They relate how they have found language that works for them, such as using “Gift of Desperation” or “Group of Dear Ones” instead of referencing God. Emphasizing personal understanding allows members to navigate recovery while maintaining their own beliefs.

The Power of Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Marilyn highlights the transformative power of discovering unconditional love within Al Anon, which allowed her to develop self-acceptance and trust in the process of recovery. This understanding ties into the broader notion of making a decision to change—a central tenet of Step Three—and finding safety and support among fellow members.

Navigating Religious Trauma and Acceptance

The journey of interpreting Step Three extends beyond individual understanding to include navigating potential religious trauma or authority-related triggers. Marilyn shares her realization of separating her father from the concept of a higher power, which reinforces the importance of personal clarity and autonomy within the program. This clarity was crucial in Marilyn's decision to remain in Al Anon, as it allowed her to find meaning and healing without feeling restricted by traditional religious language.

Conclusion

Marilyn and Spencer's journey underscores the importance of respecting diverse beliefs within recovery spaces. By creating environments that embrace varied interpretations of the Twelve Steps, secular groups like “Any Faith or None” provide vital support for individuals seeking recovery from alcoholism's impact without compromising their personal beliefs. This evolving approach emphasizes inclusivity and personal understanding, allowing individuals to find healing in a manner that resonates with them.

Their stories offer encouragement to others facing similar challenges, reaffirming that recovery is a dynamic and deeply personal path, where the language of spirituality can be adapted to support each individual's unique journey.

Readings and Links

Marilyn read from A Little Time for Myself (Al-Anon's newest daily reader), p. 66 (March 6).

We also mentioned several other Al-Anon books:

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