We typically get triggered by our partners because we experienced situations in the past that affected our psychology and the way we interpret the world. Many times we experienced situations when we were children (or from past relationships) that left a negative imprint in our memory. When our partner says/acts a certain way that sparks that memory of that undesired past experience we are triggered.

To gain control of this we need to improve our awareness/consciousness:

It’s imperative that we become aware of our triggers and relate them to our past. (Usually from our childhood). Our partner won’t understand our past the way we understand it. It is our responsibility to be aware of what happened in the past and relate it to how it is currently affecting our relationship. Our triggers are almost always ignited from past trauma. We need to help our partner understand this trauma so you can navigate through the triggers together. This takes work! Triggers do not magically dissipate.

How do you change your emotions/reactions once you have a deeper awareness?

We will have more control (self-control and discipline) to not react in ways we might have reacted as a child (or as we did in a past relationship). This control acts like a muscle. The more you practice self-control and hold back a reaction, the more you will be able to do this unconsciously (without thinking about it). Keep in mind, that it will take a lot of effort to change the course of your natural tendency to be triggered.

Going through this process you will experience a large “change/shift” You will begin to think feel and act in different ways creating new experiences and different results. This ultimately is the change.

You don’t lose yourself when you change, you simply improve unwanted emotional behaviors. You are shedding the unnecessary trauma and emotions that aren’t serving you.

Don’t fear change, rather, seek the change that will improve your relationship and ultimately your life.

Contact me via email if you would like to discuss improving your relationship and emotional habits. Relationships weren’t created to inflict suffering. They are meant to amplify our life.

Email: coaching@joelmahe.ca

OR reach out on socials:

Instagram @joelmahe

Facebook: Joel Mahe

Enjoy the episode:)

Joel

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