Mireille and Adam discuss shame as an emotional and experiential construct. We dive into the neural structures involved in processing this emotion as well as the factors and implications of our experience of shame. Shame is a natural response to the threat of vulnerability and perception of oneself as defective or inherently “not enough.”

Discuss on Changelog News

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Featuring

Mireille Reece, PsyD – LinkedIn
Adam Stacoviak – Twitter, GitHub, LinkedIn, Website

Notes and Links

What is shame?

Brené Brown, leading researcher on shame, vulnerability and connection — ”Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.”

The “hustle” of not enough

Shame is the response to threat. It is a stress response. Think of Shame as the inner critic. The one who berates and belittles you out of this place of fear of inadequacy or inherent flaw.

Shame vs. guilt

Shame = I AM bad/marred/irreparably flawed.
Guilt = I DID something bad.

Guilt is rooted in a behavior you did whereas shame is all encompassing, fundamentally who you are as defective or inadequate.

Behavioral response

Shame prompts hiding. Because when we feel ashamed, we don’t want to expose ourselves to others. If we “feel” or believe ourselves to be marred, it makes sense that we would be apt to hide.

From an evolutionary perspective - Shame is a signal that you aren’t part of the tribe, which would’ve been threatening or dangerous.

Is the culture of today conditioning us to feel dis-content more often?

“I stopped trying to keep up with the Jones’ because I realized that when I wake up someone moved the line.”

Examine what you are optimizing for as opposed to applying the “one-size-fits-all” approach.

How do I manage shame more adaptively?

Identify the emotion. What is the perceived threat that I’m reacting to?
Identify your tribe. Who can I connect with? Who’s part of my tribe?
What is my system for soothing? I need to upload new soothing/calming data.

It all comes back to being grounded in knowing what you’re optimizing for and recognizing that being who we are — being human, always involves vulnerability so we have to practice showing up.

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